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Don't look at my pictures by keiiii Don't look at my pictures by keiiii
That up there is a self portrait of my younger self.

When I was little, I spent all day drawing, and would quickly hide my doodles whenever somebody approached. You know how some people start out thinking they're pretty good, then find out that's not the case as they learn more? That wasn't me. I was extremely (although vaguely) aware of my shortcomings.

In fact, the first day of kindergarten, I looked at the kid next to me. People in my drawing had (crudely drawn) fingers. People in his drawing had round stumps for hands. I remember thinking, "oh, so THAT's how you draw hands," and immediately "fixing" my picture so people had round stump hands.

Connection is an awesome thing. You connect with someone out there through your art... you put your heart into it, and they find a piece of their own heart reflected in it. Or maybe they're just so impressed with the technical aspect of it that they treasure it just the same. Or maybe they're not quite impressed, but they see a glimmer of potential and take personal interest in your work. etc etc.

But if you are truly putting your heart into it, isn't that the meat of the matter? Isn't connection -- which has a big overlap with, but not exactly same as, popularity -- just gravy for us non-professionals?

Don't get me wrong, I love connection. Hey, I'd love to be popular! But I'm not going to do it at the expense of not putting my heart into what I do. My art/style will always change and evolve, but not because it's gotten less popular (anime has kind of become yesterday's fad lately). It will be because I suck more than I would prefer. XD From time to time, I might get sad about being so obscure (unlike my child self...), but my real drive for pushing myself shall always come from within.



I think a lot of people over-idealize childhood and children, but man, sometimes we do need to take a step back and learn from our younger selves.
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:iconserfrea:
SerFrea Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I love how well I relate to this. Even until now I dislike it when people watch me when I draw. :D And as for what you're saying, I get that too :D I fave a lot of deviations that plainly look pretty in my eyes but there are really those pieces that sort of reflect how I feel or think and I see those as truly rare treasures :)
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:iconkirite:
Kirite Featured By Owner May 9, 2013  Student Digital Artist
This is me right now OTL.

*covers screen*
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:iconxxastraxx:
xXastraXx Featured By Owner May 9, 2013
This is exactly how I was when I was little. And to this day I'm still much the same. I can handle people watching me these days, but I don't like it- I just get really anxious and uncomfortable. Ahah. I'm not afraid of criticism, but oftentimes I can't help but feel when people watch me that they're expecting this miraculous magic to come out of my pencil that I'm just not capable of.
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:icondreamer-t:
Dreamer-T Featured By Owner May 8, 2013  Student Digital Artist
I think I'm a bit opposite to you when It comes to showing art. I don't care really if people watch me when I draw, and I didn't really care that much when I was younger either. Most people were really encouraging anyways when I showed my art.

The only thing I don't like though is when people ask me to draw them. :omg: When I do try drawing someone then I'm much more hesitant to show my art. Well, >.> I actually just tend to be more hesitant showing any pictures that I've done that are of a real person...since it usually doesn't look that much like them. -.-

When I'm just doodling though I don't care if they watch. :) Sometimes I can get some constructive criticism, which is good. :aww:

Anyways, lovely picture. :D I love the soft/warm colouring. :meow:
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:iconkeiiii:
keiiii Featured By Owner May 8, 2013
When people ask me to draw them, I just flat out decline XD

Adults always praised my drawings when I was a kid. Still didn't change the way I felt about it... I wasn't necessarily afraid of criticisms; I saw the flaws with my own eyes (though couldn't analyze them) and felt I wasn't ready to show my stuff to anyone.
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:icontemaire:
Temaire Featured By Owner May 6, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I like your explanation, and I totally get it, but I just thought I would tell you what I thought when I was looking at this picture. I thought she saw someone she feared entered the room.
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:iconkeiiii:
keiiii Featured By Owner May 8, 2013
Put it this way: she IS scared that the person who just came in might see her drawings!
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:icontemaire:
Temaire Featured By Owner May 9, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
True that, I liked it anyway!
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:iconaquanut:
aquanut Featured By Owner May 6, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I like the perspective on your character, and the simple coloring; the pose and expression pretty much convey everything, with how she's covering the paper with her arms and turning nervously to the side. And the description really hits home. For me, connection is what makes sharing art worthwhile. I want to make people smile or feel or understand, hopefully for the same reasons that I do. But if I can make anyone even a little happier by letting them see my artwork, even if they never tell me so, then I'm glad to have done it. Putting my heart into my work is the reason I make the work; connection is the reason I share it.

I was one of those kids who started out thinking they were great at art and had to get enlightened later, but when I was young I absolutely hated to show anyone my drawings, not because I thought they weren't good enough but because I thought the people around me wouldn't understand them. Seeking that connection and not getting it is a special kind of pain.

I think the main thing a lot of artists lose as they grow older is the ability to express themselves freely without worrying about technical quality and comparing themselves to others, and in that regard I do wish more of us could go back to a childlike state of mind... though apparently that wouldn't have worked in your case. :P
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:iconawildchelseaappeared:
awildchelseaappeared Featured By Owner May 5, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
you are too popular :P
but hey, I "connected" with this piece :iconhurrplz:
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:iconphinnimonster:
Phinnimonster Featured By Owner May 5, 2013   General Artist
I think the ultimate thing is to achieve connection over something that you are proud to call your own! I've realized recently I'm not really interested in it any other way... if you draw something and people love it but you don't, there's a lot less enjoyment! I think if you can get people to connect over something that's personal to you, that's really special (:
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:iconkeiiii:
keiiii Featured By Owner May 5, 2013
Yup, that would be the best of both worlds :D
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:iconlulu-3:
Lulu-3 Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow, you practically took the words out of my mouth.
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:iconkeiiii:
keiiii Featured By Owner May 4, 2013
Glad to see others sharing this sentiment! :)
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:iconsimonpark81:
simonpark81 Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
this reminds me of when I was a boy, drawing comics with my friends and saying they couldn't see till it was done... :D
your style reminds me of Todd McFarlane's early work, back in the early days of spawn. I love the flowing, easy to feel to the way you draw:)
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:iconkeiiii:
keiiii Featured By Owner May 4, 2013
XD When I was little, I hid all my pictures, finished or not!

I'm not familiar with American comic artists, but am glad that you like what you see :D
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:iconwulfmune:
wulfmune Featured By Owner May 4, 2013
Children are really much more capable than people give them credit for. Trying to survive and understand the world with so many restrictions and so little control. I longer I live, the more I am learning from my childhood, it seems.

Anyway, I totally relate to how you feel.
I don't think my "style" really reflects my current sensibilities very well, and I wonder if my stories wouldn't be better represented by a different artist. I do, however, feel like whenever I try to break away, it ends up terribly forced looking. These habits took so long to develop...I don't know if I'm really motivated to really put forth all the pains and inevitable regression, of trying to undo it.
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:iconkeiiii:
keiiii Featured By Owner May 4, 2013
That's really interesting and kind of unexpected. How would you describe your current sensibilities?

I think my style does a pretty good job at capturing my sensibilities, if nothing else.
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:iconwulfmune:
wulfmune Featured By Owner May 5, 2013
Hmm I don't know if I can explain myself very well. I feel very out of touch with the whole anime/manga scene these days. Even the videogames I've liked in the more recent years have a more Western aesthetic. I don't feel like I originally "tried" to be Eastern, I just drew in influences naturally from what I was reading and watching at the time. Now that I'm not really into that stuff anymore, I forget my stuff looks "anime" to everyone else. And sometimes I think I don't connect to people who like my art anymore. Of course I have nothing against anime/manga and there are still things about the style that I adore~ (never take away that bright funky colored hair!), I guess I just feel out of place. or out of touch. or just plain OLD. haha.
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:iconfadeddreams5:
FadedDreams5 Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol, and here I thought that was a portrait of me! I always used to hide my art from other people....actually, truth be told, I still do in real life. Sharing my art with strangers on the internet is one thing but I still have a really hard time when people I know ask me if they can flip through my sketchbook or something.
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:iconkeiiii:
keiiii Featured By Owner May 4, 2013
I'm okay with showing my drawings to people, unless they're more advanced than I am :( Then I get intimidated so badly!

And when I was little, pretty much everyone seemed more advanced.
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:iconkikiarstist:
KikiArstist Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I know how this is... I'm still young and a (sort of) beginner, and... I... yeah, I know how this is.
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:iconmune-san:
Mune-san Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
;u;
I don't know what to say
I think your description said it all
<3
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